Excitement! And Also, a Rant.

One of my very favorite people in the whole world is coming to visit this weekend!

Thinking about it lifts my gloomy mood significantly.

This person, whose name I’ll leave out in case she’s not comfortable with it, is also a WW lady who is working on getting back on the wagon.

THIS means the best possible thing: we can cook HEALTHILY together, delighting in trying some new WW recipes. It also means no one will look at me weird or not take me seriously when I say I can’t eat certain things or am trying to be good.

Supportive and healthy company is the best company!

Note: Chelsea is the most wonderful and supportive cooking-buddy, eating-pal, grocery-shopping-compadre, etc. She could not be any more amazing than she already is! And so I am blessed beyond measure to have a built in support system. My concerns in this post are moreso for when my dining experiences take me beyond the home.

I could go full-tangent about the difficulties of socializing and eating, here, but won’t today. (Edit: As I rolled along with this post, I totally did rant. Sorry. I’ll probably rant on this topic often when I’m feeling frustrated.)

Instead, I’ll just say this: Being on WW and losing weight in general have only so much to do with general will-power. It’s not like I see food and am like OH I MUST EAT NOM NOM NOM. I’m not like that. I’ve never been like that. You know what I am like? I am like a person who desperately would love for just a few days to NOT HAVE TO OVER-ANALYZE AND OBSESS ABOUT EVERYTHING I EAT. I am like a person who would love to say “Sure, let’s go out for dinner!” without neurotically plotting which restaurants serve grilled chicken. I am a person who would like to go out for coffee or drinks on occasion without being racked by guilt.

(And before anybody gets all, “Oh, all things in moderation!” — Yes, obviously, there’s truth to that. There is more truth, though, in the fact that “moderation” of things like ice cream or unhealthily-prepared foods usually means oh, like, one bite. And so if you’re going out with folks for those occasions, or it’s a birthday, or whatever, then you can either only have one bite of the offered food, awkwardly pull out a bag of carrots, or ruin your ENTIRE day by having a cup’s-worth of macaroni salad or a slice of pizza. DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD FOR YOU MACARONI SALAD IS? DO YOU? IF YOU DON’T, ENJOY YOUR BLESSED IGNORANCE. So moderation my effing ass. We don’t live in some strange tapas world. Sometimes you need to eat actual food at actual places aside from one’s house. And sometimes, you do not want to eat any more godforsaken salad when everyone else gets what sounds good to them that day.)

This has nothing to do with will-power or eating right. This has to do with the fact that when I am confronted by things like rice, noodles, or bread I am filled with terror because a tiny serving of them pretty much fucks up the whole day. This has to do with wanting to enjoy my life, instead of obsessing all day long about what I can or can’t do to be thinner.

It is an obsession, you know. Fitness is a lifestyle choice. But losing weight is an obsession. And for folks like me, who already DON’T eat shit foots and DON’T eat processed carbs ever, except for rare/special treats and who DON’T eat fried food or candy… it is a painful obsession. The same way hardheaded conservatives are like “Oh, why don’t poor people just get jobs?” Callous folks say, “Cut out the carbs and processed foods! No candy! No desserts!” and like… that isn’t even my problem. I eat reasonable portions of usually paleo-friendly foods, plus some diary.

So what am I supposed to do, then?

I’ll tell you what.

This weekend, when my friend arrives, I will celebrate the fact that someone who loves me, supports me, and shares my health hopes will be alongside me and we will cook healthy things, enjoy them reasonably, and not have to explain to ANYBODY why we are choosing low-fat cream cheese or whatever. No one will roll their eyes at us. No one will eat dangerous foods around us with a shrug. No one will make a dip that we cannot eat! IT WILL BE GLORIOUS.

I’m excited!


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